i think i am having a midlife crisis

So I am in my mid twenties, and by current standards of mortality, the life expectancy of the average human being has been reduced to a sad 50 years, therefore, I am in my mid life and I think I am having a midlife crisis! According to most movies (very reliable source of information), when midlife crisis hits, most people feel lost, others want to desperately find out the true meaning of life while others try an hold on to a previous, usually much younger period of their life. All this leads to acting out in a manner that gets other people worried, or wondering whether to put you in a padded room. Well, I have all the symptoms, I think.

My life has been pretty simple over the past year, routine if you can call it. As a single girl, I was stuck in the cycle of wake up, eat, go to work, shop, watch movie, sleep, and repeat. A colossal difference from the hot blooded, adventurous, crazy and outgoing girl I was in my early twenties. The girl who could walk out of one party and straight into the next and still be the life of the party… seems like ages ago. But recently things have been shaken up and my rather sad cycle of life is changing. 

Like a fat cat, I had contentedly settled in to the boring routine that my life had turned into. However, all of a sudden, I started feeling inadequate. I used to think staying in bed all day in my pajamas on my day off, stuck in a trance watching one series after another was the life… what more could a gal want! But now I think it’s just sad, people are out there having fun, partying, making new friends while am locked up in my house. My social life had simply simmered down to a few drinks or a meal out with friends once every few months. My blog had been gathering virtual dust over the past two years and the only time my facebook account is even remotely active is while receiving birthday wishes. It never used to bug me but now it does…. I want more… the crisis.

It’s actually amazing that I actually managed to meet someone in those seldom nights out. I think he also contributes to the crisis. I mean now I have to be fun and interesting lest I bore the relationship to a quick death, I have to shave my legs and dress nice every day. Let’s not even get started on the dressing, it’s like I hate every single outfit in my closet. I keep on thinking I need a wardrobe make over! Crisis. And speaking of makeovers, I even took down four years worth of dreadlocks. Everyone keeps asking why and I give them a bunch of reasons like they weren’t looking as good as a I wanted but honestly I think there is a much bigger reason to it. 

So my mid life crisis make me think I need to grind harder, my paycheck doesn’t offer as much excitement as it used to. Clearly I have moved to a higher echelon of understanding of what money is actually worth. It also makes me think I need to change the way I look, I wish weight loss was one of priorities but food will always be my love, but at least taking down the locks has softened up my look a bit… I think. My mid life crisis makes me think I need to find more fulfillment on life, that I should not just settle for existing and surviving but live life fully.

Lucky for me, my crisis came at the turn of a new year and I can’t help but having that “clean slate” feeling. I don’t have resolutions but I feel refreshed, energized and hungry for more (plus I haven’t eaten yet). So 2015 has brought me passion, ambition, determination and I think I can even say a new zeal of life. And the best part about having a mid life crisis, I know I will not be able to relax until all my desires are achieved. I mean it’s a crisis for goodness sake.

Feel Like A Million Bucks! Love Yourself!

I have been selling myself short for a long time and I know many people out there have been too. If you are good enough for yourself, you will never need to be good enough for anyone else. Many of us work our arses off trying to please others. Literally bending over backwards to please other people, trying to meet other people standards. Most people do this because they don’t believe they are good enough. It is a lack of self esteem and self confidence that drives you to try and meet other people’s expectations while you set non for yourself. Just a thought, imagine if you took the time to make yourself a better person, work hard enough to be the best you can be….would you ever need to try and meet other people’s standards where yours are sky high?! 

I know it’s a hard knock life out here, sometimes it gets a little cloudy when people do not seem to appreciate you and you feel like you’re losing your worth. In a bid to try and get the attention and appreciation, you act out by trying to be what others want you to be. You end up buying drinks you shouldn’t be buying and wearing clothes you shouldn’t be wearing just so someone can look at you twice and tell you that you look good. Am sure we have all heard a girl say, ‘my guy loves it when I wear short skirts’. I do appreciate the effort to make those who are close to your happy but it doesn’t mean that you have to freeze your legs out just to make others smile.

Being you, and I do mean the best of you, will not only get you the appreciation that you truly deserve but also the self confidence that you need not to seek affection from others but to love yourself. 

I know one of the biggest vices of seeking approval and attention from others is lying. Lying about who you are, where you come from and a mirage of other things. Lying leaves you on the edge, uncomfortable and vulnerable and whether the truth ever comes up or not, no one will ever truly appreciate you on a lie. You will always have to watch your back and constantly dig deeper in the tunnel of lies leaving you unhappy and the lies will eat you up inside.

I vouch for focusing on YOU. You are young, with a while lifetime ahead of you, do you really want to spend it with your lips stuck on someone’s ass? Freeing yourself from the bounds of pleasing others and realizing what you can achieve will not only get you admiration but also respect and the quality of life that you want to live.

It has been said a million times before but it has never been meant as much as now, ‘Love Yourself First Before You Expect Others To Love you!’

Right on Your Sleeves

I wear my feelings on my sleeves….it’s all out there and there is nothing to be ashamed of. After many years of playing mind games and going through emotional roller-coasters, I would rather put it out there. I take my disappointments straight up like a shot of tequila and I love like big teddy bear hugs. That is what I always want to be, honest with my feelings. Keeping it real may be too overrated but I think it’s the best way to through life…know what is coming your way.

I won’t lie; I do know how to hide feelings. There are so many crushes that I have had and never flinched at the sight of that person. But I think hiding feelings is like hiding a bad cough…uncomfortable and torturous. I know why people hide feelings, fear of disappointment and failure. But I think you lose either way, if you don’t express how you feel.

Recently I have been on a streak of disappointments from friends and those who claim to be close to me. But I believe wearing my feelings on my sleeves has helped me get through it. If I let you know how I feel and you openly do not reciprocate my feelings, at least I will know I am not wasting my time with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. Wouldn’t you feel betrayed if you found out the one person who thought loved you was just wearing a façade of feelings for you? I know I would. 

Being open about how I feel has brought me through a lot of situations. I have had great victories as well; I have found true friends, gotten a lot of my chest and also realized the friends that I do not need. I would rather be alone than live a life surrounded by fake emotions. I have managed to wean out those who feel nothing for me and kept the real friends, friends who I know where I stand with no pretending.

I know the worst bout of hidden feelings usually come up in relationships. People would rather be honest with friends and strangers about how they feel rather than that one person who they feel something about. Heartbreak is a fear that has driven apart so many people who would have been great together. I wonder why people just can’t relax and feel the way they feel. 

Liberation comes with honesty, being honest with yourself will help you nurse heartbreak much faster than being in denial about it. I hope I will always be honest with myself….wear my feelings on my sleeves and get a thick skin against all the disappointments that come my way….for me, life is too short to live in a bubble of lies.

TC! :-*

Too Much Sparing of The Rod and the Children are Rotten!

Am all African no doubt. My skin is a good shade of chocolate (I think) and as far back as I can trace my lineage; my family is all made of authentic Africans. You know what being African has meant to all children born before the 90s? You’re supposed to keep your emotions and feelings to yourself, obey the rules of the land and keep moving on no matter what happens. People only knew that feelings matter after watching western family drama clips where children were given time out for doing wrong. As far as I know, breaking something meant a back hand slap across your face that would send you sprawling on the floor followed by continuous death threats in case of any future discrepancies…

So what’s with the new generation of African children who wants to talk about feelings and emotions all the time? talking about ‘my parents are not there for me so that’s why I rebel, drink and start having sex at a young age’. When I was small my parents were not there for me either because they had to work and feed us. At least parents nowadays give their children phones and money to keep them busy while they are at work. 

When I was small, my parents used to lock the house when they left and left us to play outside until they got back from work so we wouldn’t mess it up. Lucky kids nowadays can call their parents and ask them when they are coming home. During my childhood, the position of the sun told you mum was about to get home….let along the days when she was late and we all thought she wasn’t coming home but had no option than to sit at the doorstep and wait for her.

Kids nowadays are way too spoilt, have no respect for anyone and are too ill mannered. Have you seen the tantrums that children as old as 13 throw in the supermarket when they want something? My mum had a death glare…just before you touched something in that isle; you look up to her to see if she was watching you and she gave you that death glare…. No need to say what it meant!

I think children nowadays have not been taught what being content and grateful is all about. When I was a child I had one doll at any one time. This doll got into so many accidents…it lost an arm and a leg and I still played with it. The day I convinced by mum it was finally dead…its head fell off. All this time I wouldn’t dare ask for another doll….maybe borrow my sister’s every once in a while, but I kept my doll until I actually deserved a new one. 

The only way to deal with the menace that is the children of today is to restore the morbid fear that children used to have of their parents. Children should be whopped to put their arses back in their place. It was no mistake that it was even written in the Bible, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. It makes no sense grounding a kid or sending them to their room where there is a phone, a computer and a speedy internet connection among other electronics.  These kids should be beaten till they can taste the blood in their mouth when they go misbehaving… the old fashioned way. 

Now I know this issue raises a lot of controversy since some parents torture their children in the name of discipline. That’s plain wrong in any decade I have lived in. but if beating is not the answer then let me see you come up with anothe way to get these kids back in line!

I Will Probably Be Publicly Shot For This.. :D

Earlier in my series of rants, I wrote an article about being fat and whether it was actually fierce. Not known to many of you is that I actually fall under that category of what the socially stuck up would call “Fat”. Strange I know… but am far from a hypocritical arse who would bash others for a condition that we both suffer from. However, fact of the matter is that I am not a sufferer of weight. This is the point where I believe I take on the supreme role of telling all you self righteous pricks off and actually drawing the line on what is fat and what is fierce.

First of all, I believe that no matter how bony or agile you are, you have no right to discriminate other people for body mass. On the other hand, all you chunky lazy asses should pick yourselves up and walk a little! That far, I think I have already confused a number of you on what I am actually talking about. Therefore I will proceed to give you a list of myths and facts about body weight that may or may not have scientific proof but basically based on my own coined conclusions and thoughts!

• • First fact is that there are different levels of chunky. There are people who are really fat and others are just curvy, plain and simple. Get the difference people because the next person who calls me fat….I will drop my plate of cake and stab them with my fork! People who actually work on a curvy body rather than let go of themselves and act as a better advert mascot for Michelin tyres deserve a little more credit don’t you think?
• • Now theirs is a myth told by fat people that I really have to point out….it’s in my genes! This is one of the most commonly told lie by fat people and will basically send them to hell. I also used to be a victim of this “it’s in my genes” illusion until I had a reality check, got myself into the gym and lost a good 16 kilos to the curvaceous beauty that I am now. I do agree that genes play a huge role in size; however, once you realize that you fall in the danger zone, you have to put a little extra effort to stay healthy as compared to other people. I run( if something is chasing me) and I try to eat right(…if not right now!). Sitting back and letting your genes do the driving will lead you to thunderous crash!
• • Not all fat people eat a lot to become fat! Am sure all of your righteous skinny pricks at one point or another have seen a fat person buying cake in the supermarket and thought to yourself “she does not need that cake, isn’t she full already?” you unlearned villains should know that being fat can also be caused by a high metabolism whereby and individual may eat the same amount of food as you do but still end up with love handles. This is why people with high metabolism are encouraged to keep a high activity level lest they fall victim to the taunts of bony bullies.
• • Many people who are overweight (as the politically correct language) or fat in simple terms are encouraged to love themselves, develop a thick skin and ignore what other people say about them… a whole lot of hogwash I say! I think being bullied as a fat person is the universe’s way of communicating to you that you are unhealthy, at risk of not only being socially awkward but also dying from a disease caused by the excessive fat in your system. Get healthy, get concerned about your future, whether you will be able to walk in the next couple of years or need a handy forklift around.

If you have noticed so far, I have ventured into the best of both worlds, I am against bullying and picking on fat people as much as I am against fat people fooling themselves that they are okay. What I am trying to create is a balance between the two worlds which is actually me (note: I am blowing my own trumpet here). I do relate and sympathize with people who have weight issues but I also believe that no one should be a slave to what their digestive system chooses to do with every plate of food they down. It is not even a social issue as much as it is a health issue. I encourage all people to live and eat healthy and I tell all these scrawny bullies (that I can easily snap into two) to back off before the fat people get angry. They are not only bigger than you but also have years of bullying locked up that they can choose to let out on your skinny arses!

Disclaimer: the author of this article wishes to be exempted from all hurt feelings or cracked ribs caused by this article. I am only concerned about what I write, what you understand is none of my business.

TC!

My Two Cents Worth!

I often share most of my thoughts about stuff beginning with a disclaimer of how much I really don’t know about life (it’s a ridiculous paradox and I have no idea where I picked it up from!). I have been a victim of the phrase “I may not know a lot about life but….” Well, now I think that phrase is utterly useless to me. Sigmund Freud is the father of psychoanalysis and he came up with Oedipus complex which basically states that if someone messes you up sexually as a child, you are going to be a messed up adult!

Now, hold your horses there cowboy, don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate the milestones that Freud has helped us achieve in understanding human behavior. But all he did was put two and two together and come up with facts that already existed. I think what made him great is the breakdown of the complex into particulate aspects (I can’t do that).

So now I believe that I also do know a thing or two about life, and putting together a few basic facts and aspects of human behavior, I may not be as good as Sigmund, but here’s my two cents worth!

• You know how they usually say “common sense is not common”? Well, every sound minded human being has levels of intelligent as much as the next guy in the bus. However. Utilizing these sense it a choice that many people decide not to opt for. Choosing to use a spoon to spread margarine on your loaf instead of a butter knife is too simple of an example as compared to expecting other people to love you when you don’t love yourself!

• In your lifetime, there is one person who is perfect for you. A person whose qualities perfectly match and complement yours. You will Never meet this person. Therefore you need to work with what you’ve got. Create your own paradise and make it work. I hate it when people say true love is not supposed to be hard work, it’s supposed to come easy and all those other lies that people tell themselves so that they don’t have to put any effort in relationship. It’s pretty simple, if you want to enjoy the pork chops, you have to earn the money to buy the house and the kitchen and the pots and pans where you will cook them from!

• People don’t know where you came from, the hood or wherever! So don’t expect people to treat you like they had the whole previous night to cram your personal history file. Next time I hear someone use that phrase “don’t judge me! You don’t know where I came from…” by jolly I will……….!!!What people know about you is what you give to them. Therefore, if you want people to respect you, be a respectable person, if you want people to understand that you are a strong willed person, will your way to their hearts. Besides, where you come from is not the issue…where you are going is what we are looking at.

• Oh and don’t get me started on men and women equality issues! Unless men start breastfeeding and women grow balls, there will never be equality. What people need to adapt to is equity. There is quite a significant line between equity and equality. Equality is trying to accord exactly the same opportunity to the two which never works cause men and women have such different emotional build. However, equity refers to giving credit where its due and offering equal opportunity and resource to the different niches that each person exist in. therefore men should bow down to women for giving birth and women should appreciate that men take out the trash…

• Finally if you’re looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right you must be out of your mind! Perfect does not exist….case example? Fairy tales! The best way to learn that it can never be perfect, one princess kisses a frog and a man falls in love with a woman who is half a fish! The point is that special person will never be perfect, but when you accept them for who they are, their inner beauty is revealed to you. The frog turned into a handsome prince didn’t he?


Ah the feeling of liberation right from my gut telling me to share my two cents is frothing from within… or it could just be gas. Either way, watch out for more!

TC!